Newsletter June 2009

Welcome to the June edition of our quarterly newsletter.

Committee

Following our plea for help in the last newsletter we are delighted to welcome Clare and Teresa onto our committee. As most of you probably know Jo-Anna is taking some time out following the loss of her dad, so if you need to contact the committee you can email, call the office phone and leave a message or you can phone or text us on our new mobile number 07804098748.

New Arrivals

Huge congratulations to:

Kerry and Andrew on the birth of Leo on 9^th April. A beautiful baby brother to the late Holly.

Services of Remembrance and Thanksgiving

The April Service of Remembrance and Thanksgiving was held on Sunday 26^th April at St Bryce Kirk in Kirkcaldy. Chaplain Ian McDonald led the service, which was attended by approximately 30 people, including quite a few new families. Readings were done by Rob and Fiona , who read a poem written by bereaved parent, Susie, about her son. As has happened in previous years, candles were lit by parents in memory of their babies and the name of each baby was read out during a quiet moment of remembrance. A good number of people stayed behind after the service to chat and enjoy some home baking. Thanks to everyone who helped to organise things.

Scottish Network Day May 2009

This years Sands network day was held in Glasgow and I accompanied Jo-Anna. It was my first time at this sort of event and I felt slightly nervous, I had questions in my head about what would unfold over the day and how I would feel.

What Happened?

The event started after a general introduction with a talk by Sue Hale from National Sands about National and the Why 17 Campaign. She talked about many of the issues that are being pressed forward by national and gave some statistics that some of you may be familiar with, like stillbirth and neonatal deaths are twice as common as road deaths, it is equivalent to 16 jumbo jets crashing and being wiped out every year .... yet there is little publicity on this and how national are looking to improve on the care given in the maternity hospitals. There have been visits to parliament to present papers and a visit to the Scottish Executive is planned for November, and there was talk about lobbying MPs and the Health Minister for changes. For more details on this please see this page: - http://www.why17.org/Get-Involved.html

After Sue's talk we had a very moving Father's Testimony from George Hunter from Forth Valley Sands about his experiences.

We then had an enlightening talk from the Registration Office in Glasgow, outlining things they have to do and things that they have tried to improve upon. For me, the message I took home was that they have developed a really simple coloured card system so that they know as soon as anyone from the local maternity hospital in coming in to register a still birth or neo-natal birth and death is handled with dignity and given some privacy. For more information about there services please visit this website http://gro-scotland.gov.uk/

Next was a play about the new group based in Forth Valley, about the difficulties they have had and also their victories. They are still a new group with only a few resources but the are growing and are getting stronger everyday. Then a talk from the recently set up group based in Dumfries and Galloway, which is a very small group that is growing and whom are extremely positive.

After a full morning we grabbed a bite to eat and socialise then back into the main hall.

There were about a hundred people present representing Scottish Sands groups and we were split off into 4 different group to perform workshops, Jo-Anna went to the supporting siblings workshop and I went to the next pregnancy workshops these were pre-assigned before we got there). The other workshops were Supporting Dads and Guidelines for Professionals. The next pregnancy workshop that I attended gave me thoughts about our how other groups deal with next pregnancy groups and we gave our experiences and wishlists which were compiled and used in a feedback for all session which concluded the day.

What Did I Gain From It?

On a very personal level I met other bereaved parents who had varying experiences and who were all working like we are to improve the quality of care. From feeling nervous at the start of the day about what might happen and how I might feel to shedding a tear or two to coming away feeling more motivated and I am able to make a very positive impact within our group. The day had its ups and downs with an emotional side that for me was mainly high. So thank you for the opportunity to attend.

Your Committee Member

Debbie

Loving Mummy of Daniel, Emma, Sarah and Angel Matthew.

Baby Gardens

The flower vases should be arriving within the next few weeks, and Dunfermline Crematorium has had a new path laid. This leads to the baby garden which has had the whole area laid with chips to try to get away from the mud which was a common feature. Thanks to some fundraising by Dunfermline Fire Station, further work will be carried out over the summer months. A new statue is being made and we hope to have it in place very soon.

We hope to carry out some improvements at all the baby gardens, starting with Dunfermline Cemetery. May we respectfully remind you that marking of individual graves is not permitted under Fife Council policy, and items placed anywhere other than in front of the memorial stones will be removed. With the upcoming works due, you may wish to remove items yourself for safekeeping.

We will be looking to start work on Hayfield in the near future.

Kirkcaldy crematorium needs very little work at present, but if anyone has any suggestions of something they would like to see, please let us know.

Survey

Many thanks to all who completed and retuned the survey to us – we will report back when the information has been collated.

Fundraising

Fife Sands members Karen and Anne set of on Thursday 28^th May with a group of friends to walk the West Highland Way. To keep track of them on their walk, go to www.thewalkietalkies.net

Donations can be made at www.justgiving.com/fifesands

Gillian ran the Great Edinburgh 10k run on May 3rd. Gillian raised £120 and wanted to raise funds for us as she has friends who have suffered the loss of a baby and have been supported by Fife Sands.

Neil ran the Edinburgh Marathon on 31^st May in memory of his nephew Adam.

John is taking part in the St Andrews to Edinburgh Road Cycle on 20^th June in memory of his daughter Caitlin

Claire has raised £900 in memory of her niece Belle by running the ladies 10k in Glasgow

Many thanks to all who have taken part in fundraising for us – your fantastic efforts are hugely appreciated.

Donations

Clair, Gary and family would like to thank everyone who was involved and attended the charity show in memory of their daughter, Maddison, especially family and friends for their hard work and dedication. A total of £1,200 has been received for which we extend our very grateful thanks.

Awareness Month

6^th June – Awareness stall and collection Asda Halbeath 10-4*

13^th June – Awareness stall and collection Asda Kirkcaldy 10-4*

21^st June – Clare's Sponsored Swim – sign up now to take part!

Volunteers are urgently required to help at these stalls – if you can help, please forward your details. Many thanks.

Balloon Release

Our annual balloon release will take place this year on Sunday 14^th June at Lochore Meadows. We meet at 12 for a picnic (please bring your own, although we will provide the strawberries and cream), with the balloons released at 2pm. If you are unable to attend but would like a balloon released in memory of your baby, we can write a tag for you for a suggested donation of £1. Please email your message and make your donation at www.justgiving.com/fifesands , or post it to our office. We hope to see you there.

Why 17? Scottish Parliament Launch

Following on from the high profile launch of the Saving Babies Lives report, in the House of Commons in March, the Why 17? campaign is going to the Welsh Assembly in June, and the Scottish Parliament later in the year, hopefully in November. To get involved, we are asking that you lobby your local MSP to get as many involved as possible. More details will follow as soon as we have a date, but for more information follow this link http://www.why17.org/fileadmin/content/Media/

Sands_Lobbying_Guide_161208_FINAL.pdf

Lending Library

Debbie has taken on the task of running our lending library. If you have read any books which you found helpful following the loss of your baby, please let us know. If you would be happy to write a short review which we could include in future newsletters, it would be much appreciated. We will publish a list of books available with the next newsletter, but if you feel there might be something you would like to borrow now, please get in touch. We have books covering fathers, siblings, poetry, next pregnancy and personal stories. We stock all the books sold by national sands so you can check out their website for more information.

Poem

I carry a parcel in my heart where no one else can ever see

For in its little paper folds your gentle softness comes back to me

And when all others forget you were here, I remember the time I held you so near

I remember your face, your fingers and toes and happier days before our woes

And when no others speak your name I’ll go on doing just the same

Thinking of the baby born asleep, memories forever I will keep

Memories I will always treasure, kept in the parcel, for now and ever.

Kathleen April 2007

Personal Experience - Charlie Samuel

Rob and I had always planned to have 2 children and when our son, Daniel, was 3 we were thinking of trying for a brother or sister and we were surprised to find how quickly I became pregnant. Charlie was due on the 22^nd January 2004 and as the weeks followed, we got more and more excited and started preparing for the arrival of Charlie. We decorated the nursery in a pale yellow as we didn’t know whether we were having a boy or girl. We got Daniel’s old cot assembled in the nursery and bought a new pram. We wanted to be organised in advance, so that we didn’t get caught up in the Christmas rush, if Charlie was born early.

My pregnancy was not an easy pregnancy and I was having problems walking and my tummy felt really heavy, not like when I was pregnant with Daniel. However, I was reassured by the midwives that this was my second pregnancy and my ligaments would have been stretched during my first pregnancy.

One evening I was sat on the sofa and felt pains and joked to Rob that I thought I could be in labour and as I stood up, I thought I’d wet myself. I then discovered that I was bleeding heavily and panic set in, I wasn’t sure what was happening. We rushed Daniel to a neighbour’s house and went to hospital. The midwives checked for Charlie’s heartbeat and asked if I could feel Charlie moving, which I couldn’t and all I felt was pain. None of the staff seemed to be unduly worried and I felt reassured up until after I was injected with steroids, to help Charlie’s lung development if he had to be born early. But, upon further examination the midwife was unable to find a heartbeat. The consultant was called in to try and find a heartbeat, but he couldn’t get one either. A portable scanner was brought into the room and that’s when we could see Charlie’s heart flicker very slightly and his body was very still. I was then rushed off for an emergency caesarean. I remember waking up and hearing voices. Rob was at my side and without speaking to him, I knew that Charlie had died. Charlie was stillborn at 30 weeks on the 11^th November 2003 and weighed 3lb 6oz.

We got to hold Charlie and he was just so perfect. Daniel came to the hospital and kissed his little brother who he would never get to play with. We had photos taken and hand and footprints of Charlie, which we treasure dearly now. Charlie was blessed by the hospital chaplain at 11am on the 11^th November and on Remembrance Day, our first thoughts are for Charlie.

I had suffered a placental abruption and was told that if Charlie had been born earlier, he may have already suffered damage to his brain, but this is something we will never know.

I didn’t want to leave the hospital and face the world, I just wanted to cocoon myself in the hospital room. How do you tell everyone that your baby has died? I was so desperate to speak to someone who had lost a baby to find out how they managed to deal with their loss. I didn’t know anyone who’d lost a baby, it was just something that I’d read about and it happened to other people, not me. I contacted Fife Sands and was so pleased to be able to talk to someone who knew how I felt and could assure me that I wasn’t going mad.

I found out that I was pregnant again on mother’s day 2005 and was so happy, it felt like a special mother’s day gift from Charlie. However, 8 weeks into the pregnancy, I had an early miscarriage and my world fell apart again.

We continued to try for a baby and I took a pregnancy test before Christmas 2005, which was positive. I had a number of scans and was regularly monitored throughout my pregnancy. We called our growing baby “Midget Gem” as it was small and precious and then at the 19 week scan, we found out that we were having a baby girl and renamed Midget Gem, Gemma.

Gemma was born on the 13^th August 2006 and is a very cheeky and lively 2 year old that has a big brother Daniel to grow up with and a big brother Charlie who watches over her.

Charlie is now 5 years old and we always spend his birthdays having a special family day out. Charlie has a star named after him, a pastel portrait by Sue Fernandez proudly placed on our living room wall and a tree in our garden. Charlie will always be a part of our family and he continues to live in our hearts forever.

I still look back and wonder how we managed to get to where we are today and that’s why I decided to become a befriender for Fife Sands, so that I can hopefully offer the support, comfort and hope that I received, when I needed it most.

Kathryn